End on End

Geez this year is going to be hard, isn’t it?

It’s only January and we have an openly Nazi billionaire (and richest person in the world) with major influence in our new government. Seriously? Fuck Elon and fuck Nazis. Fuck billionaires.

And while we are at it, fuck Snopes for advancing the whole “my heart goes out to you” narrative. How you can watch the first time he did that salute and logically think, “now that’s just him sharing his appreciation with the crowd!” with a straight face. His face was straight determination and borderline anger. There was nothing loving or appreciative about that gesture. That was pent up frustration and relief that he finally has the power to be who he is…

Beyond that bullshit, we’ve had the predictable slew of executive orders targeting the marginalized – trans people, immigrants – as well as the shuttering of many safeguard agencies involved with cybersecurity, consumer protections, ethics, and health. I’m sure none of that will cause any issues in the future at all. Rolling eyes emoji.

For me and my family, the most concerning are the orders targeting trans folks, as I’ve mentioned previously…

Thankfully we spent a good deal of time over the last two or three years preparing for this potential outcome, getting legal documents (passport, IDs, birth certificates, school records) in order as best we could… though we are now at a point where our son is heading off to college next Fall and most likely away from the safety of our house and local community. We’ve been blessed to have friends and family that are accepting and loving and kind, so that unknown is terrifying, honestly.

So with that said, please support trans and other LGBTQ+ folks during this time. Support their work, their livelihood, their humanity. It’s not a time to let things slide and be silent, as the people in charge are working very hard to make sure trans people don’t exist. And it’s only a matter of time before the next marginalized group is targeted for extinction.

I know for some it may be a challenge – whether it’s feeling like you don’t understand or just the limited life experience of knowing only CIS heterosexuality. I get it. Until a few years ago, I was closer to that end of the spectrum than where I am now. And I’m no where near being done with learning and growing.

One of the most freeing discoveries I’ve made for myself has been simply realizing you don’t need to fully understand everything. Because, simply put, not everything is FOR YOU. This is especially true for things that don’t directly impact your life.

You don’t necessarily need to understand why someone is trans or gay or non-binary or choose certain pronouns, for example. It’s their life and they should be able to expect, at the very least, the neutral decency afforded to them as a human being. If you are close to them and they choose to share their story in detail, fine (and lucky you to have such a good, trusting relationship), but otherwise all you need to do is trust the details of the story they ARE sharing with you. (The principle is the same for people of color, other marginalized folks, and victims of bigotry and violence. Just believe them. Just give them their humanity, as they are.)

That’s it… that’s the bare minimum, though I’d argue everyone should be treated with a basic level of empathy too. Once you realize and then assume that everyone is carrying some burden or difficulty in their life and because of that, default to treating them with grace, you’ll live a less stressful and angry and scared life.

Because no one, literally no one, in the LGBTQ+ community is trying to turn you gay or trans or hanging out in bathrooms to prey on CIS people, or “turning trans” to win a race or a fight. Those immigrants you are scared of, the one you’ve been told eat cats, murder white people, and rape women? Those are all stories that are exaggerated and amplified to generate fear and solicit votes.

Fear won in 2024, but I’m going to do my best to make sure it has a hell of time going forward. Please do the same.

Adam Newbold, the purveyor of Neatnik/OMG.lol/Social.lol and many other sites, just launched The People Pledge:

I pledge to recognize the dignity and worth of all people.

I will not discriminate against or devalue anyone because of their age, race, gender, gender identity, sexual orientation, disability, social class, faith, neurotype, or physical appearance.

I commit to treating others fairly and rejecting prejudice in all its forms.

A pretty simple idea and one you’d think would be closer to the default in 2024, but apparently that isn’t the case for a significant portion of the United States, at least.

Everyone deserves the dignity of humanity. To love and be loved. The grace to live their life free of hatred, bigotry, threats, or violence. You may not understand every human, their choices or their defaults, but that is OK… because in most cases it isn’t FOR you. I think we’d do better as a society, if we just realized we don’t have to live everyone else’s life too.

What is consistent across all of humanity, though, is EVERYONE is battling something. Some problem, big or small, and many times, it’s multiple problems at once. A little grace, empathy, and love can go a long way.

I’m not perfect, so this pledge is my commitment to do better every day.

Join us.

As a parent of a trans son and two daughters (all teenagers), I’m obviously disappointed and saddened by the results from last night. Mainly because morality, decency, competency, and facts no longer matter. The U.S. is officially a self-centered, narcissistic nation, though it’s most certainly been that way the entire time. This is just one of the most striking, experienced-in-real-time examples of its personality.

The Democrats are certainly at fault for a lot of the pain we feel today; however, the media has the most blood on its hands – how they simultaneously tore down Joe Biden for his age, while normalizing Trump’s insane economic policy proposals, that if enacted will certainly destroy the economy in the near term. They normalized the racism and hatred of immigrants and “enemies within”… and his obvious cognitive decline as he’s nearly the same age as Biden.

Add on top of that, holding Harris to the usual, historical standard of a presidential candidate while giving Trump a pass as he word-salads his way through an “explanation” of his policies. Or a complete pass on any of the dangerous rhetoric. It’s mind-boggling.

I’m also old enough to remember the experience of the media tearing down a decent human and viable presidential candidate in Howard Dean because he “screamed” with excitement at a campaign event. John Edwards because of an expensive haircut…and so many more, now ridiculous examples.

I hope it’s worth it, risking so much for potential short-term gain. Trusting a fraudster, grifter, and felon to deliver you the almighty greenback. You do you, I guess.

For me, at least for now, I’ve decided to take an extended break from corporate-owned, algorithm-driven social media. You can find me:

• here on my blog for family, life, pictures, etc
• Crucial Tracks for all things music
• micro.blog and Mastodon for “social” – both are a breath of fresh air, compared to the other places

I’ll be using RSS and Reeder to follow others on the web.

I’m going to be focused on things that bring joy, while supporting and protecting my family and friends. And friends is a broad term; don’t be shy, and I will do my best to support those in need as well.

Stay strong.

Yesterday I took two of our kids to Toronto to see the band Lovejoy at the Danforth Music Hall. Over the course of the morning, news was shared that folks were already lining up at 9am. We obviously couldn’t make it that early, but we were able to get to the neighborhood around 3:30p/4p.

We started off by taking a walk through the neighborhood, admiring all of the cool shops and doing a bit of record browsing at Kops Records, before taking a pass of the line outside the venue. The doors were still at least 3 hours away, which also meant 3 hours of waiting in the sun. The kids still wanted to take part in the wait, so we did. I immediately ran across the street to Loblaws to buy snacks and drinks since it was hot. We then settled down to pass the time.

The most obvious thing we noticed was that the line stretched from the venue entrance to the nearest corner, then south on Broadview Ave. The second thing was how dedicated and prepared these folk were – chairs, makeshift sun shades, and umbrellas of course… but also crafts and music and singing and merriment. Many folks shared the Lovejoy themed things they made, the food and drink they bought, and other supplies they brought to the experience.

Beyond the great people watching, it was amazing to see the group self organize – there was a person doing regular welfare checks: updating the time remaining, reminding folks to hydrate and take shade breaks, and sharing other pieces of knowledge and sometimes supplies. There were folks passing out leftover food and drink, people collecting autographs of all the line-goers on their t-shirts and flags (and even bodies), cosplayers taking photos with anyone who asked, and various other forms of entertainment. There was no shortage of things to take in, even while sitting still on a side street in Toronto for three plus hours.

I thought this was amazing and inspiring. Even beyond the instant community that popped up for this event, the vibe was joyful and open. You could tell these fans were having a good time sharing this experience with people. It gave me hope that the world isn’t just a hateful place where we are under the constant threat of active shooters (true story: there was a potential shooter threat in my neighborhood while we were in Toronto) or a place where fascist laws are being passed that seriously endanger my kid.

I shared as much (albeit in fewer words) with the seemingly like-minded dad standing behind us, though his bewildered look caught me off guard and I didn’t expand on the thought. Yes, these kids weren’t the “standard future” you’d expect anyone to be excited for, but that’s exactly the fucking point. “Normal” looking people are doing a really great job at fucking this world up – whether it’s climate change, racism, fascism, capitalism, all of the LGBTQ targeting – the status quo isn’t working. And these kids know it.

The more I thought about this, the more I thought these kids were just as punk or radical as I ever was (or am), and it has nothing to do with the genre of music. It’s the DIY attitude, the creativity, the sense of community, the looking out for one another – the acceptance of everyone and every thing. Those are the things I saw. Not the hair or clothes or any identity markers. That’s the surface stuff that can distract you, especially if you don’t care to look any deeper.

It’s also no different than any other out-group of young people, whether it was the skaters/punks/hardcore kids when I was younger or these kids now. Which is why I was surprised that anyone who was a part of that growing up, couldn’t see the analogy to this group of young people now.

For as much as the people caught up in our status quo love to talk about freedom, these kids have it right. For those on the right, freedom is literally a personalized, selfish freedom (the end-all, be-all of “I can do what I want”) vs. real freedom where people are free to be themselves without judgement.

I really hope these young people don’t get caught up in the apathy and jaded feelings that trapped my generation (though as the parents of these kids I write about, we may have the last laugh!) They truly have the capacity to make the kind of changes we need to save this world.

In the meantime, let’s listen to the kids a little more, please. They know a lot more than they are given credit for…

I know I couldn’t me more proud of my three.