Stress, changes, patience, growth

Earlier this year my dad was diagnosed with MDS or Myelodysplastic syndrome, which is a blood cancer that affects blood stem cells. It basically causes your body to produce malformed cells which can lead to things like anemia, frequent infections, problems with clotting, extreme fatigue, and more... One in three people with MDS develops acute myeloid leukemia.

At the end of July my dad underwent a stem cell transplant at Roswell Park in Buffalo, which required 35-ish days in the hospital in order to recover to a point where he was able to live at home with reduced risk.

During his stay, we visited as much as we could while also prepping and moving our three kids into college. The twins for their freshman year and our oldest, his second year. Spread out across all regions of NY state: western and central NY for the twins, as well as down state by NYC for our oldest. Needless to say, it was a MONTH. Lots of travel, stress, emotions, and change.

Then the day after we moved the last kid into college, I packed my stuff to move in with my dad for 30-ish days, providing him 24/7 monitoring and care as he progresses in his recover. We're now around 23 days into that, including two trips a week to Roswell and two PT appointments per week.

Thankfully, this month has been full of good news so far. The kids are adjusting to college better than we ever could have expected, which has made everything else a little easier to handle. My dad got word that he has 94% donor marrow in his body as of release from the hospital, as well as no indication of MDS, leukemia, or other cancer. Which is AMAZING. His blood cell counts are still in the process of increasing, which is expected but he's improving every day: walking, eating, energy. I'm so glad I am able to be here to help him through that process.

I did spend a good chunk of the months leading up to this adventure worrying about EVERYTHING. What it was going to be like, infections, what to feed him, timing, being able to see my kids off to college, not seeing my wife for more than a few hours in those 30 days... and on and on. It absolutely wrecked my body. Stress shoulders and neck, grinding teeth at night, headaches, etc. In the moment I knew I was stressed, but it wasn't until I got here and let it go – then I realized how MUCH it was impacting me.

The good news, like most worry, is it was overblown and invented by my mind. Worse case scenarios for the worst case scenario. It's not to say it's been easy, just difficult in ways I didn't expect. Like being secluded in my teenage home, seeing all the quirky and funny things my dad does and didn't realize growing up, the absolute quiet and darkness of rural life, seeing things that remind me of my mom and sister who both passed away in recent years, not seeing or talking to (in person) anyone other than my dad and his nurses at the hospital on visit days... and on and on.

It's re-taught me a lot too... mainly patience. The days go by slow and the routine monotonous. Thankfully I am able to work to pass the time during the weekdays, but the nights and weekends are so slow. Especially when my dad goes to bed early. It's SO dark, it feels like the night lasts forever. It gives me a lot of time to be with my thoughts, which can be good and bad. There were plenty of times I didn't think I could do another day... but the days pass all the same.

I'm so thankful the kids have been texting and providing updates at all hours, my wife has been a saint providing weekend distraction and occasionally things like pizza to brighten my mood... all while dealing with the craziness of our home, dogs... crazy storms than flooded our neighborhood and washing machines that die and make a huge mess in our basement. Of course all of that stuff happens when I'm not home!

As of today I've got a week or two left of living with my dad... I'll be driving him to his weekly appointments for a bit until he gets cleared to drive and obviously checking in regularly. I just hope I can hold onto everything I've learned from this experience, when things return to normal and the hectic modern life fills up time, as it does.