Transitions

Last week we dropped off our oldest kid at college for his freshman year. It was a whirlwind trip across the state for the whole family, as we took both cars to fit all of his college stuff plus all five of us...

The drop off and move in itself was simple, straightforward, and more organized than I had imagined based on our own experience with moving the Mrs. into college back some 30 years ago. (I lived at home for most of college and never in the dorms.)

Everything after that was not.

Being an adult and a good 30 years (gasp) past that time in my life, I forgot how challenging it was after high school. And I didn't even go away to college. Navigating systems that are not straightforward or necessarily well documented. Teachers that generally don't care as much about you specifically as much as your primary and secondary teachers did... the day-to-day adult stuff like finances, medicines, haircuts, feeding yourself... those freedoms and choices that come along with adulthood, that are generally thrust upon you. ***Here you go, make it happen. You are an adult now.***

Then on top of that, the homesickness. I stayed at home for college, but I did move to the other side of the country immediately after graduating college. I was homesick for the start of that life experience... but I also chose to go to Seattle and went with my future wife and a couple friends. No where near the same as being 18 and going off to college by yourself, a good six hours away from home. (Thankfully my wife did that, so we have that life experience covered.)

Our son has been struggling, but I see little glimpses of the other side. He's figuring out how to solve problems, dealing with the imposter syndrome of being in a bigger pond. (He was #4 in his class and voted "most likely to be famous" by his classmates, so yeah it's been a challenge.) In time, we're hoping as the unknowns of a new system and the basics of adulthood become "knowns", life will settle in and he can actually start to enjoy college.

All of this got us thinking about the generational differences of our experiences compared to his... we had no cell phones, super basic internet and connected systems, more of a focus on IRL interactions and friendships. Many of the problems we had to deal with are the same he's going through, but the way of handling them is different.

Whether it's relying on email or digging through a SharePoint (my goodness, SUNY uses Microsoft! Outlook 🤮), self-serve websites, FaceTime, text messages... I can't help but think the speed in which you can solve problems today also gives the impression that all problems can be solved that fast... whereas homesickness, for example, is not a problem that has a straightforward solution of timeframe.

For now, we're trying to be his biggest cheerleader. Encouraging him, celebrating small wins, and being a sounding board for the challenges and fears. It's been an emotional roller coaster for us, a new experience we're unprepared for but capable to handle, just like him.

Like we keep telling him, growth is always hard but very worthwhile. And you get to develop a little more tenacity/grit/perseverance along the way. For us, we're learning and adjusting as we go, as we don't have much of a break... the twins start their senior year of high school in a week. 😳

Wish us luck.